Dating a "Man of God" Shattered My Faith

Trigger warning - Those who know me may find this kind of transparency unnerving. It’s the first time I've ever considered walking away from the church (not faith, but the unsafe sanctuaries...). It’s an uncomfortable for me, too, but I think my story may be useful for others who have endured similar pain. I’m sharing this as a Christian whose faith has been shaken by “holy” deception from one who continued to preach, travel, and speak publicly while causing chaos behind the scenes. 

If you ever walked your mother through death, you know you simply cannot think straight after she leaves you. I was by my mommy's side throughout her dying process and was Johnny-on-the-spot for all things cancer, chemo, radiation, testing, and sickness related. I preached my mother's funeral and took care of everything with my support systems in tow. My mother was, and is, my heart. When she died I did not up from down, and that's when he came into the center stage of my life. He was divorcing after being in a unloving miserable marriage for years. It had taken him a while to make the decision, but he moved forward with confidence. He gave me assurance and proof of his process every step of the way. And I fell for it all. I needed love in that space, and with a distorted, vulnerable heart, I believed his lies.  I trusted someone who presented himself as a religious leader, only to find myself caught in deception that distorted my reality piece by piece and caused me to be embattled in court for almost two years.

The situation escalated in ways I never could have predicted. He went from, almost immediately, telling me he loved me, having me met one of his kids and his parent, to asking me to go to divorce care ministry with him, and promising me that I was to be his future wife to….taking me to court. Isn’t it ironic? One day I am by his side in court as he is seeking legal counsel for having the so-called “soon to be ex-wife” served with divorce papers, and next he was taking me to court spreading the wildest accusations about me I had ever heard. 

It was as if I was a home wrecker when in fact, it was my home, and heart, and faith, that got wrecked. I was confronted at my home by a so-called “soon-to-be-ex-wife”. He told me she paid money to find out everything about me, and soon after, I felt watched, and navigated fear. Ultimately, I needed legal protection, but it wasn’t just requests for legal help that consumed my time. It was confusion, chaos, and a painful education in manipulation tactics. In this space I learned a lot about DARVO – where the person who causes harm denies it, attacks you, and then positions themselves as the victim. (See the video below for more….).

What’s been just as difficult to process is the silence and protection he received from other religious leaders who prioritized image over truth. While I dealt with the fallout behind the scenes, he remained visible—still carrying on as a religious leader, simply a man who made a simple mistake. I wonder if he is like David….maybe like Samson to the delusion folk who support him. That kind of betrayal doesn’t just affect your trust in one person—as a believer, it makes you avoid Church. It impacts your sense of safety in spaces that were supposed to be grounded in integrity. My experience shattered my faith, but it did not destroy it. That's because even as I try to walk through life without my mother, and despite the perpetual attacks and betrayal of a lover who assured me he was called to protect my heart -- God is carrying me to the space of restoration that was already prepared for me. God knew. God saw. God still has a plan for all the pain. Everything I learned (and am still learning) will be used. 

One thing I’ve learned is that grief can put you are risk in ways you don’t always realize, and deception doesn’t always look like deception—it can look like love and promises of healing and love when its just future faking.  I’ve also come to understand this: my faith is mine, and I have to fight for it despite what another "believer" has done to me. My faith cannot/will not be defined by anyone who misuses their platform or causes harm to others. After all, just because someone has a platform and a perceived gift for speaking/preaching doesn’t mean s/he/they are called by God. As a friend reminded me the other day, some people call themselves. 

If you take anything from my story, let it be this: use discernment and be careful…especially when you are swimming in grief. Be still and maybe pause on dating or any serious decision making. That way you don’t become a victim of vulnerability. Like I said, this piece will make a few uncomfortable, but I’m still healing, still reclaiming my voice—but I’m no longer silent. This blog is one of my platforms—and here, the truth will be told. 

 #Storytime #GriefAndLove #Deception #CautionaryTale

My experience with DARVO: 

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Feeling manipulated or abused? You are not alone. Recognizing it is the first step to protecting yourself. 💛 DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender) to shift blame. 

Learn About DARVO and Gaslighting
🔗 Jennifer J. Freyd – DARVO
🔗 Medical News Today – DARVO
🔗 CASA Pinellas – DARVO Overview

Confidential Support & Hotlines:
📞 National Domestic Violence Hotline | 1‑800‑799‑SAFE
📞 RAINN | 1‑800‑656‑4673
📞 VictimConnect
📞 Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline | 1‑800‑422‑4453

Support for Spiritual & Emotional Abuse and Gaslighting

🔗 Choosing Therapy – DARVO
🔗 WomensLaw.org – Emotional Abuse
🔗 Faith After Abuse
🔗 Spiritual Abuse Recovery

💡 You deserve safety, respect, and support. Reaching out is a brave first step.