Grief, a Religious Leaders Deception, & Shattered Faith

Trigger warning - Those who know me may find this kind of transparency unnerving. It’s the first time I've ever considered walking away from the church (not faith, but the unsafe sanctuaries...). It’s an uncomfortable for me, too, but I think my story may be useful for others who have endured similar pain. I’m sharing this as a Christian whose faith has been shaken by “holy” deception from one who continued to preach, travel, and speak publicly while causing chaos behind the scenes.

What began as a relationship—deep, intentional, and wrapped in faith—appeared to be a lie. I was grieving after having just lost my mother about five months prior. I was vulnerable. And I trusted someone who presented himself as a religious leader, only to find myself caught in deception that distorted my reality piece by piece and caused me to be embattled in court for almost two years.

The situation escalated in ways I never could have predicted. He went from, almost immediately, telling me he loved me, asking me to go to divorce care ministry with him, and promising me that I was to be his future wife to….taking me to court. Isn’t it ironic? One day I am by his side in court as he is seeking legal counsel for having the so-called “soon to be ex-wife” served with divorce papers, and next he was taking me to court spreading the wildest accusations about me I had ever heard. 

I was confronted at my home by a so-called “soon-to-be-ex-wife”. It was as if I was a home wrecker when in fact, it was my home, and heart, and faith, that got wrecked. He told me she paid money to find out everything about me, and soon after, I felt watched, and navigated fear. Ultimately, I needed legal protection, but it wasn’t just requests for legal help that consumed my time. It was confusion, chaos, and a painful education in manipulation tactics. In this space I learned a lot about DARVO – where the person who causes harm denies it, attacks you, and then positions themselves as the victim. (See the video below for more….).

What’s been just as difficult to process is the silence and protection he received from other religious leaders who prioritized image over truth. While I dealt with the fallout behind the scenes, he remained visible—still carrying on as a religious leader, simply a man who made a simple mistake. I wonder if he is like David….maybe like Samson to the delusion folk who support him. That kind of betrayal doesn’t just affect your trust in one person—as a believer, it makes you avoid Church. It impacts your sense of safety in spaces that were supposed to be grounded in integrity.

I’ve come to understand that grief can make you open in ways you don’t always realize, and deception doesn’t always look like deception—it can look like love and promises of healing. I’ve also come to understand this: my faith is mine, and I have to fight for it despite what another believer has done to me. My faith cannot/will not be defined by anyone who misuses their platform. After all, just because someone has a platform and a perceived gift for speaking/preaching doesn’t mean s/he/they are called by God. As a friend reminded me the other day, some people call themselves.

If you take anything from my story, let it be this: use discernment and be careful…especially when you are swimming in grief. Be still and maybe pause on dating or any serious decision making. That way you don’t become a victim of vulnerability. Like I said, this piece will make a few uncomfortable, but I’m still healing, still reclaiming my voice—but I’m no longer silent. This blog is one of my platforms—and here, the truth will be told.

 #Storytime #GriefAndLove #Deception #CautionaryTale

My experience with DARVO: 

Story time for more context:

(Some of these videos were made a while ago, and info has been removed where necessary.)

In addition to taking my story as a cautionary tale, below you will find a list of resources for those who may need support, for those who may be enduring abuse of any kind, and for those who perceive abuse in their situations. I am a witness that support is helpful.

Feeling manipulated or abused? You are not alone. Recognizing it is the first step to protecting yourself. 💛 DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender) to shift blame. 

Learn About DARVO and Gaslighting
🔗 Jennifer J. Freyd – DARVO
🔗 Medical News Today – DARVO
🔗 CASA Pinellas – DARVO Overview

Confidential Support & Hotlines:
📞 National Domestic Violence Hotline | 1‑800‑799‑SAFE
📞 RAINN | 1‑800‑656‑4673
📞 VictimConnect
📞 Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline | 1‑800‑422‑4453

Support for Spiritual & Emotional Abuse and Gaslighting

🔗 Choosing Therapy – DARVO
🔗 WomensLaw.org – Emotional Abuse
🔗 Faith After Abuse
🔗 Spiritual Abuse Recovery

💡 You deserve safety, respect, and support. Reaching out is a brave first step.