How to Walk Away & Not Care (Confidently Cutting Folks Off)

More than likely you've been in a situation where you had a significant heart break that prompted you to become a little loose with your standards--hopefully not, but you may have thought about it.  Maybe you decided never to love again or some dramatic equivalent or perhaps you just wandered into a shady and unsavory situation due to several factors.  We all have had our experiences.  Sometimes people jump into multiple relationships. Some people hide from love and sabotage themselves going forward.  Some people get hurt by heathens because they fail to walk away from stuff they should have never engaged.  Hopefully, this article will serve as a way for you to shake yourself and regroup as you remind yourself just how dope you really are!  While tongue in cheek, there is some help or at least comic relief for you.

I'm Sorry.  I'm Just Not Your Type.

Lets explore that one time you were sad or lonely or bored or...whatever and you decided to hang out with that person who served absolutely no purpose in your life, and she or he wasn't really even your "type".  Now, I'm not necessarily saying there wasn't a physical attraction, but sometimes a person is not your type because you all have little in common, you two can't engage in meaningful conversations or experiences, he doesn't like any of the shit you like and she is generally just wack according to your own standard.   For example, I have a friend who was spending time with a guy who thought she used too many big words, was offended when he came to her house and she told him he could "have a seat" because that was too bougie of a statement, and whose idea of a good time was eating frozen pizza and vegging out on The Walking Dead (or the Zombie Apocalypse--as she calls it tongue-in-cheek and much to his chagrin).

Huh?

This guy......smh

I guess she quickly surmised that the situation was not going to work.  She felt as if he preferred a different type of woman more than someone like her, so eventually she cut him off.  He was not her type, and its likely that she wasn't his either.  So...no bueno.  Sure, its best to never engage in the first place in such a case, but of course we do it anyway and later wonder what's wrong with us. Nothings wrong, we're just human.  This means you and I are both prone to making asinine decisions at times (See the book "Sway: The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior for more.). Whatever. Burn the bridge instead of them doing it, and move on.

Maintain Ya Dignity...I Mean, Gat Damn

Remember that guy you met a few months ago?  The cute, charismatic one?  The one who you decided to get to know and see where it goes? Yeah, he on garbage. Fellas, you know that chick you keep taking out and spending your loot on but never getting her to be your girl? She's on garbage, too. Here is how you know:  You all have been hanging out, going on dates, crossing some boundaries and you want more but can't get them to define what the two of you are doing--let alone commit.  She or he is probably going out with several people and loves it that way. Don't worry you'll find out soon enough and then wait for it, wait for it, wait for it...you'll hear the "I don't want a relationship right now but I care about you" spiel.  If you hang around you'll likely go into rotation, even though you have internally put a time frame on your "wait and see" period and know that you will bounce around the third month or so--you slipped up on a manipulator and caught feelings without a solid commitment. Be sure, this person will continue to enjoy you as long as possible and as long as you don't push for more exclusivity.  As soon as you do that you'll probably never receive another call, text, IM or DM.  Therefore, its best to have that awkward conversation rather immediately in order to decide
whether or not you need to rid yourself of a potential headache.  I mean...really...aren't you too dope for that? Of course you are. Fellas, put that chick on the "pay no mind list" and never call her again. Ladies, toss your hair, bat your eyes and smile as you walk away, and then everybody say "forget a wait and see".

Mixed Signals Leave Ya With Mixed Feelings

Have you ever seen your friends naked? Ever kissed them or been in a emotionally/physically questionable situation with them? Yeah, me neither.  Real platonic friends don't sleep with each other, aren't googly eyed and touchy-feel-y, and don't engage in all kinds of relationship stuff to get their romantic rocks off of each other.  A relationship by any other name is still a relationship even if it is not exclusive and or substantial.  Usually folks call people they are sending off "friends" so they can run game, develop unnecessary feelings and move around without feeling like they hurt anyone when things get hairy.  Sending mixed signals and breeding confusion is an issue of integrity.  It helps folk to get in a different kind of "friends zone" where they are pining away for more even if no physical boundaries have been crossed.   How do you stay of out the friends zone?   Don't take yo butt in there in the first place.  If you see the person is receiving the benefit of your time and presence without investing in you under the guise of friendship then you have to let the person go.  Would a friend curve you?  Would someone who values you or even wants to get to know you towards a relationship keep in you in limbo or confuse you with words and actions.  "No. Not never" (in my Kat Williams voice).  Be stingy with who you let around you.  Like a man once told me its not one's fault when he get played unknowingly because who really knows what hidden motives another person has?  But when you know better you do better. So...go forth and conquer...or at least keep out of someone's shifty friend zone.  Or you'll be reciting "Find A Way" by A Tribe Called Quest:  "Now you caught my heart for the evening/ Kissed my cheek, moved in, you confused things/ Should I just sit back or come harder? / Help me find my way...." Don't go harder.  Just be out!

Mentally Confused? Heart Broken?  It's Nothing.

Usually we get played by people who are beneath us.  Even if your heart is telling you he or she isn't beneath you, you know that your emotions can lie to you, right?   Someone gully and toying with you is acting beneath you.  Do what you have to do to devalue the whole entire situation. And remember, if you slept with them you can still get over them. Just dust yourself off and start a brand new day. Keep your body to yourself moving forward. Side note to those of us who are divorcees by no fault of our own.   Ya still a legend! Say it with your chest. 

Just make sure you don't become a jerk to someone else because somebody hurt you. Think about it this way: after your healing and processing you'll have more wisdom, possibly more money since its just you now, and probably be thinner and healthier from the stress, depression and subsequent counseling sessions.  Next thing you know you'll be with a loving person who's into you.

The overall point is this.  Things are looking up kiddo! So you got involved with some clowns, losers, and users. Forget 'em.  Now there are times when I am accused of being nonchalant, but I'll take it. The truth is...I care...and then I don't.  I stop caring when I need to, and you should too. This is easier if you barely care in the first place (but that's a separate counseling issue so don't listen to me on that point), In the event that you care and are still hurting you just have to tell yourself "I deserve more". Make it a motto or even a mantra of sorts.  And remember, you're the best there is... repeat after Ricky Bobby and you'll be fine:

#facts #truestory #knowyourworth #comedichealing