Can Men & Women Be Platonic Friends? Sure, If One is Gay and the Other is Straight...

"Platonic friendship works best between members of the opposite sex when at least one of them is gay..."

That's what my married male friend told me a few years ago after one of my "platonic" male friends started acting crazy.  Maybe there is some truth in the statement, though?  Historically, I have maintained that not only were co-ed platonic friendships possible, but were actually normative but I've changed my mind. Pheromones is a helluva drug.  Maybe its possible, but not so much.  Sure, there are times when two friends are low key feeling each other and end up together like the movie Brown Sugar (rare unicorn moments).  However, it is more likely that two friends have some weird love story playing out based on mutual attraction and basic smashing (where one person doesn't want much else) like in the video Half Crazy by Musiq, where one person is lying about just being friends like in "Just a Friend" by Biz Markie, or where two people are platonic friends because one simply doesn't find the other one attractive (or neither find the other attractive.).

Let's analyze this thing.  First there is the damn near impossible situation people hold out for: the Brown Sugar.  In Brown Sugar two friends who grew up together, bonding over hip hop music and culture, shared experiences, etc.... have feelings for one another.  They had a brief situation in the past where they expressed feelings but decide to remain best friends through the guy's getting married to someone else and the girl's becoming engaged to another man.  Eventually, they realize that they can not fight off love, and voila...the platonic friendship goes up in flames.  Due to another twists of events the guy's marriage ends and the gal calls off her engagement, and they live happily ever after.

Isn't that sweet?  It's also unrealistic because, well, its a damn movie.

Another reality check:  Half Crazy.  Its a song based on real, real life ish.  We all remember that music video Musiq, and some of us are living that video right now . There are situation-ships where people are sleeping together and not being claimed and then being extra emotional when the person they are "seeing" gives attention to someone else.  It's hard to have a platonic friendship with the person you are involved with physically or even emotionally.  From what I hear... Somewhere along the lines, unless you are a sociopath, feelings come in to play and stuff gets complicated.  For example, if you've been fronting the whole time anyway, acting like your crush is the homie, yet knowing you both are attracted & waiting for an opportunity, you are setting yourself up for some potential pain.  One person may simply want sex while the other one wants more.  How does that work?  Who wants to end up sitting and singing on their living room floor like Musiq? Or in tears like ole girl?

I had a conversation with one of favorite married couples and the husband put things quite succinctly: 

"People need to realize that men and women who like each other enough will over time develop a natural care for one another.  I dare say you would grow to love that person because they are frequently on your side, you agree, and you are like-minded… There is always a chance that right time and place leads to the moment somehow getting away from you.  It’s a standard formulaic approach most romantic comedies uses. There is an awkward first kiss, a passionate overpowering second kiss right before the music reaches a crescendo (Cue “Some Kind of Wonderful”.) It’s a quandary.  Basically, if one of the parties is single it can be a little dicey."

Still think platonic friendship is possible? Need more examples?  "Another One" in my DJ Kaled voice:  Girl meets guy, girl dates guy, but girl is smashing her guy so called platonic friend. This is the premise of "Just a Friend" by Biz Markie and possibly why so many men are paranoid about their women having male friends. (Let me parenthetically add that the roles could be, and are often, the opposite, and its the guys doing the smashing and lying. IJS.)  There are definitely occasions where the the woman has no idea that her guy friend is even plotting the end of her relationship, but in the Biz Markie joint folk are just lying.

I am not suggesting that everyone is lying.  Relax.  I am saying that some people are, so use your brain.  I don't want you making a part two to the Biz video above.

Now, this last platonic friend scenario is the one we started off talking about, and it's often the thing memes are made of and the things guys harass women about via text.  Why do ya'll do that?? Asking for a friend...  In the friend zone one person has permanently relegated the other to friendship, and the other one keeps thinking its just a matter of time before they get more.  Sure alcohol, loneliness and boredom have helped people to make poor decisions since the beginning of time, but a relationship coming out of a platonic friendship where there is simply no attraction rarely happens.



And if there is attraction can the relationship truly platonic?







Here is another freebie for the guys since this is often a guy complaint: if you have a crush and you're not getting any rhythm its because she views you like a play cousin or in her mind has made you gay or one of the girls.  Love is not an option here, and neither is smashing.  Its just not going to happen. You should probably move around, but don't be bitter and hate her.  She just doesn't like you like that.

"Let's face it most men and women become friends only because one of the people in the situation isn't feeling the other..." as another male associate says.

Even if you have super powers and try really hard to work your mojo to win someone over it's not going to happen if she or he is simply not attracted to you or if they simply can't be with you for other reasons;  you are going to be in the friend zone.  The only thing you can do is cut the whole rela-situ-friendship thing off and find someone who wants you back.  Or who is available for you to have (another blog post...).  So there you have it.  There is no possibility of platonic friendship where one or both parties are attracted on any level what so ever...at any point...ever.  If you have a legitimate platonic friendship with someone it's because one of y'all thinks the other one is ugly.  This eliminates the pheromone problem.

Thoughts?