"Keep ya head up (what), Keep ya head (that's right)
Whenever this life gets tough you gotta fight
With my home girls standing to my left and my right
True Blue...And Tight Like Glue"
One of my favorite television shows back in the day "Living Single". It was based on four women who were not only roommates and family (or like family) but were also really good friends. The theme music says it all: "In a nineties kinda world I'm glad I got my girls". The show chronicled their journey through life together, and it allowed the audience to see the characters' flaws, disagreements, fall outs and reconciliations as time went on. This show was sisterhood in action.
Nowadays there is no show on television that compares to it. Today's shows portray women gossiping, fighting, trying to steal each other's men, etc.... I guess whether it is "Living Single" from the nineties or some ratchet show today--art imitates life? I wonder if its clear to others that something is wrong. Its as if sisters have forgotten how to genuinely care for one another and have given over to jealousy, competition, and general foolishness on a-whole-nother level. I guess this article is to remind all of us that REAL friendship flows from true hearts and authentic motives. This is written not because I have been the perfect friend but because my motive is to be honorable and increase the positive ways we as women interact and celebrate one another. Its is my hope that whatever is broken gets fixed and whatever is healthy thrives all the more. The following list is not exhaustive but it is a starter; some of us need a "how to" tutorial, so here we go. Real chicks and true friends/sisters:
1. Will not call your husbands, boyfriends, or someone you are interested in to offer him comfort when ya'll are going through (Where they do that at??), and they don't call your beau when they are in need! They should have their own people for that. You're man is not everybody's man, and a real friend wouldn't want to push the boundary (and potentially get check'ed...ugly).
2. Simply refused to kick it around with cats who have been mean and disrespectful to you. If your pain is their entertainment you need to change your crew or roll solo for a minute.
3. Celebrate you because of the gifts of God in you, and since "iron sharpens iron" they are able to build you up and be built up by you. They don't allow their insecurities to make them wish for or rejoice in your troubles or hate you for your blessings (whether its your looks, your money, your education, your talents, or anything else...)
4. Keep your personal life personal and do not make it fodder for conversations with other people or use it to amuse those they are trying to impress because they themselves have no lives.
5. Would never try to get with someone they know you are interested in or introduce their other girls to people you are trying to get at. They also do not throw shade on your name, slander you, or block so that a man won't holler at you. Not cool, its the shadiest form of jealous alive.
6. Rejoice when you rejoice and weep when you weep, and they are present in your life, and not only via text and Facebook. You all spend time together, share stories and secrets and know what's happening in one another's lives.
7. Stand with you through rough times and are not fair weathered. Everybody can be self-centered at times, but a legitimate friendship is reciprocal in a nature. Your sister/friend will tell you the truth, confront you on your garbage, and love you while doing it because she wants you to be who you really are called to be---awesome. The corollary is also true: real chicks/friends are not above confrontation. You should be able to ask them questions and even have hard conversations without them being defensive and retaliatory when they get in their feelings.
8. Are not snakes and don't move behave in snake like manners: you shouldn't have to watch your back around them. If they got beef they can express that in a ladylike manner because they are mature enough to communicate.
9. Like you for who you are and celebrate the uniqueness that is you.
First Lady Michelle Obama offered this admonition a few years ago:
"Do not bring people in your life who weigh you down. And trust your instincts ... good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don't hurt. They're not painful. That's not just with somebody you want to marry, but it's with the friends that you choose. It's with the people you surround yourselves with..."
When it comes to relationships we should all ascribe to lift as we climb and be connected with those who do the same.
Very good article! Insightful and informative. To often the reality of true friendship gets lost on competition, envy & comparisons instead of acceptance,encouragement & support.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! Thank you for the feedback :-)
DeleteWhat a great read! I'm always astounded by the number of women who don't know how to be friends. I was blessed with an awesome example, my mom. She had decades long friendships that I always admired. Thanks I'm sharing this with my students.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback Tiffany, and double thanks for sharing this with your students. I was blessed with insight by my mom, and the way she helped me to see my own worth coming up helped lay the foundation for my ability to celebrate other women. My hope is that we could all aim for that. Ya know?
DeleteGreat read.. Definitely hit home
ReplyDeleteGreat read.. Definitely hit home
ReplyDeleteClear cut and to the point.
ReplyDeleteClear cut and to the point.
ReplyDeleteGood stuff and on point!
ReplyDelete"My pain isn't for your entertainment" I'm still stuck at that point you made. I have very few friends for some of the reasons you mention, most of all the genuine-ness of friendship is what I long for in a friendship. Our relationship [which is really what a friendship is...] should feel good, feed both of us and push us to our best selves, sisterhood can be really beautiful when sincere.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! Sadly, sometimes I think geniune connection is friendship is a rare thing, yet I know it can happen. I feel like if people work on their own issues and insecurities then they would be free to celebrate others.
DeleteAbsolutely! Sadly, sometimes I think geniune connection is friendship is a rare thing, yet I know it can happen. I feel like if people work on their own issues and insecurities then they would be free to celebrate others.
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ReplyDeleteThis conversation is SO relevant and needs to be discussed. "Reality Tell-Lie-Vision" has corrupted our minds and have led us to be continuously against one another.
ReplyDeleteThis conversation is SO relevant and needs to be discussed. "Reality Tell-Lie-Vision" has corrupted our minds and have led us to be continuously against one another.
ReplyDelete