You know you can't go in the past and erase every chick that your man has ever dated or went out on at least one date with, so you shouldn't be bothered by the thought of a chick he had before you. Right? Seriously, if they were that deep he would be her still or possibly even be married to her. This is not the case; he is with you, so you just have to let the thoughts fly by. You may even come across a pic or two, politely tear to shreds, and move on. Or you may come across an article of clothing and toss it out after judging the chick's lack of taste...you know, respond in harmless ways to those intrusion from the past. Because she is the past...right?
There are those times, however, when an intruder from the past seems like the dead wife from "Inception" who keeps trying to trap herself in her your man's memory. The difference is that the ex is not a ghost, nor a memory from your man's guilty conscience a.k.a. "the Inception Ex" a.k.a. the "need for counseling issue", and she is not dead--as morbid as it sounds. In fact, the ex in question is alive and kicking, calling and calling...and effin' calling to the point where numbers must be changed. This is the quintessential-wanna-comeback-ex who tries to stake her claim because her ex man has now moved on and is seemingly content and serious about his new love.
When I started dating my honey, his ex, whom he was with for a few years, decided that it was time to start messaging him, calling him, texting him, emailing him to see what he was doing and with whom he had been doing it with. When all of her efforts were thwarted she began sending junk snail mail in her name to the condo. I mean this chick was relentless. She needed to get her point across by any means necessary. She was determined to have something to say, so I had to shut that down. Well, I tried but she kept pressing so he had to shut her down. His choice to do so was easy. I mean, he could have chosen to be "friends" with her but that would have meant not having me. That is not a game I play. Neither does he.
Exes are exes not brand new besties. Spare me the melodrama of how people can be close after they break up. That only works in network television or in the absence of a new significant love. When the person has said his or her good byes, with or without the so called needed closure, the ex is best left alone so that life can go on. There will be no comebacks under the guise of being friends because usually an ex wants to still wield whatever power he or she had in the first place. You know...some people's egos get boosted when they feel like they are the only one who has influence over a person. Depending on the length of time it takes for the person to move into a new relationship an ex may feel like he or she isn't ready to give up the control once possessed. He or she simply wanted a break up when they broke up but the intention was not for the other to move on...and move on to someone better. An ex lover, at times, may be delusional enough to believe he or she is the end-all-be-all to a person's life. "WRONG! WRONG!" : as Charlie Murphy said about thinking Rick James would change...lol. It doesn't work that way.
Exes are memories of experiences to learn, grow from, and then let go. Now this may be very hard for an ex to accept because he or she has to first have a realistic view of his or her own importance. When contemplating a break up people one may feel the other may not be able to continue on without the relationship but rarely is this the case. As a few old adages so eloquently state, "Men (and women) run like buses... there are other fish in the sea...nothing helps you forget old hurt like new hurt (lol)...and the beat goes on". In the case of the wanna comeback ex the knowledge in these expressions have not been internalized but has to be once the object of affection has appropriated the wisdom and bounced. Instead of calling it a comeback the ex needs to call it a move the hell on or a restraining order in extreme cases. Exes are exes for a reason; let them know.
There are those times, however, when an intruder from the past seems like the dead wife from "Inception" who keeps trying to trap herself in her your man's memory. The difference is that the ex is not a ghost, nor a memory from your man's guilty conscience a.k.a. "the Inception Ex" a.k.a. the "need for counseling issue", and she is not dead--as morbid as it sounds. In fact, the ex in question is alive and kicking, calling and calling...and effin' calling to the point where numbers must be changed. This is the quintessential-wanna-comeback-ex who tries to stake her claim because her ex man has now moved on and is seemingly content and serious about his new love.
When I started dating my honey, his ex, whom he was with for a few years, decided that it was time to start messaging him, calling him, texting him, emailing him to see what he was doing and with whom he had been doing it with. When all of her efforts were thwarted she began sending junk snail mail in her name to the condo. I mean this chick was relentless. She needed to get her point across by any means necessary. She was determined to have something to say, so I had to shut that down. Well, I tried but she kept pressing so he had to shut her down. His choice to do so was easy. I mean, he could have chosen to be "friends" with her but that would have meant not having me. That is not a game I play. Neither does he.
Exes are exes not brand new besties. Spare me the melodrama of how people can be close after they break up. That only works in network television or in the absence of a new significant love. When the person has said his or her good byes, with or without the so called needed closure, the ex is best left alone so that life can go on. There will be no comebacks under the guise of being friends because usually an ex wants to still wield whatever power he or she had in the first place. You know...some people's egos get boosted when they feel like they are the only one who has influence over a person. Depending on the length of time it takes for the person to move into a new relationship an ex may feel like he or she isn't ready to give up the control once possessed. He or she simply wanted a break up when they broke up but the intention was not for the other to move on...and move on to someone better. An ex lover, at times, may be delusional enough to believe he or she is the end-all-be-all to a person's life. "WRONG! WRONG!" : as Charlie Murphy said about thinking Rick James would change...lol. It doesn't work that way.
Exes are memories of experiences to learn, grow from, and then let go. Now this may be very hard for an ex to accept because he or she has to first have a realistic view of his or her own importance. When contemplating a break up people one may feel the other may not be able to continue on without the relationship but rarely is this the case. As a few old adages so eloquently state, "Men (and women) run like buses... there are other fish in the sea...nothing helps you forget old hurt like new hurt (lol)...and the beat goes on". In the case of the wanna comeback ex the knowledge in these expressions have not been internalized but has to be once the object of affection has appropriated the wisdom and bounced. Instead of calling it a comeback the ex needs to call it a move the hell on or a restraining order in extreme cases. Exes are exes for a reason; let them know.
Goooooood stuff!!
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