One, Two, Three... Release em

Now that we are in the second half of the year, maybe it's time to do some mid-year cleaning. I'm talking about doing some spring cleaning in July—well, summer cleaning. This isn't about you and me washing walls, changing curtains, or sprucing up our gardens, though. This is about making long-overdue cuts to people, places, and things. It's about taking inventory of the people, places, and things in your life that may no longer belong in your next season.

We're all friends here, right? Right, so let's get ready to "One, Two, Three....Release 'Em!" While the saying has been co-opted from a social media and from someone dealing with a significant loss, it actually works well for those of us who will be losing, or cutting loose a few things, this time around, too.

It might be necessary to release your boo back to the wild.

You know you've been thinking this over for a while and just too nervous about moving forward by yourself. That's normal, but it still may be time. Even the folks contemplating divorce (for the umpteenth time throughout the years) may need to go ahead and pull the trigger. 👀 Now before y'all get all upset with me about saying this, just know that I do not care...at all. I know it's taboo, maybe even sacrilege--especially for people of faith. I will add more to it before I take it back.

As a matter-of-fact, as a GenXer I think that Gen Z is right, and as a Christian I am saying it with my chest, the babies are right about this. There are a few of us hanging on to unhealthy, harmful, even abusive relationships because we think suffering equates to holiness, or we stay because of familiarity or loyalty. It's okay to be loyal to yourself and your own mental health. (*If you are considering leaving an abusive relationship, please have a safety plan and reach out to for help, first.). Speaking of the faith component, do you recall a few months ago when church folks were shocked when news broke about Tina Campbell's divorce? Now you may be thinking "Divorces happen every day, B", but this hit differently in popular media. Tina Campbell stood by her man after the world found out that he had been cheating for over a decade with multiple women. Still, Teddy eventually filed for divorce. That's right. Teddy filed for divorce.

We don't know everything that happened inside their marriage, and we don't need to. What struck me was watching someone who publicly fought so hard for her marriage eventually face its end anyway. You know what? That is okay. Dare I say it's probably the healthy thing either one of them could do? The truth is: you ain't holy because you are married or stay married when God is trying to spare you grave pain by allowing you to leave. I remember hearing someone say God may be holding off on blessing you until you come up out of that ungodly marriage. Sometimes it's okay to say, "One, two, three... release’ em” when it comes to your relationship. You may even have to give that family member, whoever it is, some space until they can respect you.

Now can we chat about that one friend that's like family--kind of (or fraternity brother or sorority sister) you've known for decades. I mean, y'all were in the trenches together. Y'all made it through life's storms together. How long ago was that now? They have not been in your corner for years, and you are still clinging to the memory of who they used to be to you. Why?

         

Maybe you made a new friend at your big age, and now you are realizing that friend is more of a copycat or a close hater disguised as a new bestie. You are seeing clearly, and you are not imagining the signs, so why are you holding on to this person? It's okay to have them to kick it with and go out with, but you have to be careful with how close you let them get to you. The only other option is to let them go and learn to enjoy your own company.

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The thing is....you haven't met everyone you are going to meet. What if the separation is for your growth so you can meet different people on a different level? What if there are a few more dope people who are called to your future, but you have to let go of your past, and spend a season alone, for the newness to come? I'm just saying, "One, two, three...release 'em".  

I'm not sure if you know this, sometimes you might have to release a family members too, even if it's just temporary. Let's say you found out your favorite cousin, who is more like a sibling, has been spreading rumors about you or that cousin is now being a catalyst for the foolishness and pain. You may have to give that family member, whoever it is, some space until they can respect you. 

At times it's not people you love bringing the toxicity to your life; it might be that job you used to love. Maybe it's actually making you emotionally and physically sick. It may be time for you to bounce. Every day you are looking for an excuse to call off, and it's not because you are lazy and do not want to work. It's because your boss is antagonistic. Your colleagues are conniving. The company is heading towards major cuts, and organizational health is in critical condition. Let me free you up right quick. It's okay for you to leave. You can absolutely walk in like...

I kid. I kid. Actually, before you do that, please make sure you either 1) have a new job lined up or 2) have a viable business plan and sustainable cushion saved up. Those are like the golden rules. Although, there are times when folks have had to walk away, and they have still landed on their feet. I'm just saying it's best to make a logical, balanced decision in this space versus a rash reactionary decision. Also, hell, you can just let them fire you and get unemployment while you look for something else. You will need to explain why you got fired, though. That's a bit much. However you choose to move forward it is okay to "One, two, three...release 'em". You deserve peace….even at work.

Now, to be clear, I am not saying we should go around quitting jobs, cutting off family and friends, randomly, yet there may be times when we have to put them on pause or walk away from them completely as we work on our own self-worth, self-advocacy, and the ability to set clear boundaries. These are crucial for being a healthy person who can "cover the ground you walk on...." as my mother would say.

We're all friends here, right? Right, so....just give what I'm saying here some thought. Perhaps your summer cleaning isn't about your closets. Maybe it's about your contacts, your calendar, your habits, your boundaries, and the people you've been carrying far longer than you should have.

Whatever it is...

One. Two. Three...

Release 'em.