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As Olivia Pope says, "I Am A Big Dog": Why Alpha Women Can't Stand Down






In light of the return of Scandal I deided to post something scandalous. I kid. But just thinking about the fact that the show is starting back up this week reminded me of the how the last season ended. Olivia snapped, and won me over as a bit of a fan.

Truth: I am not a gladiator. Hell, at first I was not a Scandal fan at all. I am not a champion of adulterous relationships, even during separation, so I couldn't really vibe out with the show initially. Some how that changed as I learned about the twists, turns, plots, and of course...the Scandal parties. I decided to check it out and discovered that I could be against Olivia and Fitz being in a relationship and for Mellie at the same time. I could also like Olivia and every other character on the show. It wasn't so complicated. Scandal is filled with not only scandals (to be redundant)and taboos but it is also filled with quite a bit of social commentary. That is one of the things that keeps me watching--just like the last episode sucked me in weeks ago.

The break up scene between Olivia and Fitz not only left me wondering what will happen next season but also had me thinking through a powerful woman's struggle to maintain identity in a relationship where her mate is wants to be the sole focus. A relationship where her own giftenessness and "powers" are not championed but instead are either ignored or dismissed is unhealthy and out of balance. As I watched the episode I observed a woman feeling like her dreams and accomplishments were being treated with disdain or subtle condescension. Now, this is not a feminist rant. I am more of a womanist if I have to actually label myself. Look it up. Instead this is just a thoughtful reflection on roles and power dynamics. "I think very deeply" as KRS said. One may even say this is a treatise on the plight of an Alpha Woman. For aren't we all "big dogs"?

Olivia, as a big dog, seemed to be experiencing new and strange feelings of suffocation and subservience. She felt like she had to put her career to the side as she served Fitz as his personal cheerleader and part time adviser. THAT ish is exhausting. Well, I will speak for myself. I recall years ago my wonderful husband, whom I am currently separated from for the second time (Jesus be a chin check...lbs), and I were talking about a business venture dealing with accountancy--which is his background. I was going to help with the organizational piece since that is my forte. My husband would be the CEO, clearly, and I would be...well, according to him, the wife. That presented a problem. He has two Masters degrees; I have two Masters degrees, and I am working on my doctorate. He has been in his field with a degree of expertise or a little over a decade. I have a few more years of expertise under my belt so I could not understand why I would not be COO. He basically said that I should be content being his wife, and that was a substantial role. Since this isn't the 1920s I had to express to him that I did not earn my degrees and work my arse off to be a good leader only to be relegated to the position of his sexy, smart sidekick. It wasn't going to happen. Eventually he conceded and he understood my utter and complete strength and significance to his life and our livelihood, but since we are separated, the business, at least right now, is moot.

The point of the example is that as an Alpha woman I find it absurd to be told that I have to downplay who I am, what I have accomplished and what I hope to achieve for the sole benefit of lifting up my beau. I am a big dog as well! There has to be a way for reciprocity. There has to be away that we lift each other up. Grant it, at times one person's goals are going to be on the forefront more than the other's goal but that should not be for a lifetime.



Comments

  1. Kymmi72February 9, 2016 at 8:46 PM

    I too am a philosopher. Love that line. Great reflective piece. We should be able to hold each other up. I don't want to be your "equal" I enjoy having someone as the head. However you will respect me and give me credit where and when due. Kymeish

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lorraine CWFebruary 9, 2016 at 9:00 PM

    Excellent piece. Sadly, far too many really good men (who we take on as husbands), are very bad at being supportive, without feeling insecure. My marriage goals next go round are to pair with a secure man. One who will appreciate my uniqueness and talents within our union, as he did when those same traits drew him to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Erie CatizFebruary 10, 2016 at 1:30 PM

      Exactly. Can a sista get some reciprocity in this piece?

      Delete
  3. Lorraine Maloney-ArmstrongFebruary 9, 2016 at 9:02 PM

    Excellent piece. Sadly, far too many really good men (who we take on as husbands), are very bad at being supportive, without feeling insecure. My marriage goals next go round are to pair with a secure man. One who will appreciate my uniqueness and talents within our union, as he did when those same traits drew him to me.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousFebruary 9, 2016 at 10:41 PM

    It's important for both parties to be honest. Some men really have an issue with dealing with strong women and often try to change them wasting time and then will be angry. Know what you can and cant handle and deal accordingly

    ReplyDelete
  5. NiecyFebruary 11, 2016 at 1:18 AM

    Your perspective is very much appreciated as I know more "Big Dog" women then not and a lot of men find them hard to contend with. Not because of the woman but due to the
    man's insecurity. Which is unfortunate. As, these very women are made to either suppress or feel guilty for being their genuine selves. It should be about us as a couple, as a team complimenting, appreciating and holding each other down!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Erie CatizFebruary 11, 2016 at 11:46 AM

      Yeeeeeeessss!! You should be free to be yourself!

      Delete
  6. AishaFebruary 11, 2016 at 6:21 AM

    You have to know who you are dealing with before you get to caught up. Look at Liv and Fitz, she knew he was married... she knew chance of divorce was slim... she knew that she would have to take a back seat to whatever he did... point is most relationships start out with lust not love, people need to focus on what they want in a relationship instead of just being in a relationship. Many love the idea of marriage but don't understand what marriage entails. A couple should compliment each other but at the same time each relationship is different what some may put up with others may not. Some women don't mind taking a backseat to their husbands, that is their choice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Erie CatizFebruary 11, 2016 at 11:45 AM

      Yep...both parties should go in with their eyes open and respect the make up of the other person, or dont get with them.

      Delete

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