You know folk by the books they read. I am not sure if this statement is true at all but maybe there is some truth in it? Who knows? But several months back, while at a friend's house, I was thumbing through a book called "The Art of Manipulation" and I kinda looked at her crazy. I have to admit, though, the book was quite enthralling--at first. It was also scary. This book literally broke down the steps and gave "how to's" on manipulating people and playing mind games with folk so that they would behave and/or react in certain ways, and it also explained just why some people are so skilled at doing so. The truth is that outside of your everyday sociopaths and psychopaths, everybody has the capacity to manipulate, deceive, and play games. While most do it subconsciously (or at least use self deception to pretend they do no know its what they are doing), there are those who practice this "art" in very specific ways.
At times there are people who do outlandish things, borderline psychotic things, and then pretend they are not doing so in order to make another person look crazy. I think this is typically seen in romantic relationships with abusive people. Now...the abuse may or may not be physical but it can also be verbal, emotional, and mental..and in some ways it seems like the latter is the most diabolical form of abuse.
Let me give an example, this same friend who's house I was visiting, told me about a certain man who allegedly wanted to sever ties with the woman he had been in 'love" with and seeing on and off for years but could not seem to do it--until she got pregnant. He tried to force her into an abortion but she would not go along, so he threatened to kill her and then commit suicide just so she could go to heaven, he could go to hell, and they could be separated for eternity. Kid you no lie! And he apparently pretended to be in the psych ward after being "rescued" from downing three handfuls of pills in a suicide attempt and then blamed everything on his lover. He told her, and anyone who would listen, that his psychotic breakdown was her fault. To make it more insane he did this the day they were having a "good bye" talk at her house when she was breaking it off.
To further his manipulation, when she reached out to him he threatened to get an order of protection against her. It did not matter that he was still calling and texting her to update her on his health. In fact, all the while he was doing these things, he was telling people that she just would not leave him alone. He was trying to convince people she was crazy. Later, she paid him back with her own brand of crazy behavior and the cycle continued. I think they are still together...which is funny as hell to me.
How is this manipulation and not just a psycho going crazy? Clearly, its both. Well, if someone's in love and their counterpart attempts suicide, regardless of the circumstances, it usually draws the person in in a nurturing and protective way. In effect, what this guy said he wanted and what he did had contradictory effects. So, what did he want? Control and attention. That is what it seems to me, but, hey, I am no psychiatrist. The entire situation above is not funny. Its actually a story of abuse and cruelty. Maybe the story is an exaggeration of the use of manipulation all together; however, manipulation is not a laughing matter and is often a part of abuse, but most of us engage in it on some level. Most of us aren't doing it to use people up, destroy them or take over the world, but we simply want something or want something done our way. Whether it is to impress a potential employer, get the attention of someone we admire or something more sinister and eventually causing big blow ups, most people use some form of manipulation. And, apparently, there is an art to it! I think we need to switch it up and start running truth, and use the power of influence in a positive way. That is the "do-gooder" deep, deep down inside of me. Ha!
We all "got game" so to speak, but it seems to me that the best game is being honest. Perhaps honestly and upfront behavior and speech work so well because people don't expect it. Ahhh haaahh! Funny, you can actually be honest and folk will swear you are running game and trying to manipulate. To that I say, "May the truth is just that fascinating". I know that running game on people is the way that most get what they want, but the truth is we need to use our powers for good and not evil. Personally, I will always draw people because its my nature. I'm an absolute pleasure to be around (smile), and for the most part, I dig people. My goal is to add to people's lives & to cut those off who choke life out of me. We all have that capacity--you know the power of influence. Let's leverage a positive power of influence for the good of others and ourselves. That way we don't have to be fancy, skilled manipulators.
Just saying.....
At times there are people who do outlandish things, borderline psychotic things, and then pretend they are not doing so in order to make another person look crazy. I think this is typically seen in romantic relationships with abusive people. Now...the abuse may or may not be physical but it can also be verbal, emotional, and mental..and in some ways it seems like the latter is the most diabolical form of abuse.
Let me give an example, this same friend who's house I was visiting, told me about a certain man who allegedly wanted to sever ties with the woman he had been in 'love" with and seeing on and off for years but could not seem to do it--until she got pregnant. He tried to force her into an abortion but she would not go along, so he threatened to kill her and then commit suicide just so she could go to heaven, he could go to hell, and they could be separated for eternity. Kid you no lie! And he apparently pretended to be in the psych ward after being "rescued" from downing three handfuls of pills in a suicide attempt and then blamed everything on his lover. He told her, and anyone who would listen, that his psychotic breakdown was her fault. To make it more insane he did this the day they were having a "good bye" talk at her house when she was breaking it off.
To further his manipulation, when she reached out to him he threatened to get an order of protection against her. It did not matter that he was still calling and texting her to update her on his health. In fact, all the while he was doing these things, he was telling people that she just would not leave him alone. He was trying to convince people she was crazy. Later, she paid him back with her own brand of crazy behavior and the cycle continued. I think they are still together...which is funny as hell to me.
How is this manipulation and not just a psycho going crazy? Clearly, its both. Well, if someone's in love and their counterpart attempts suicide, regardless of the circumstances, it usually draws the person in in a nurturing and protective way. In effect, what this guy said he wanted and what he did had contradictory effects. So, what did he want? Control and attention. That is what it seems to me, but, hey, I am no psychiatrist. The entire situation above is not funny. Its actually a story of abuse and cruelty. Maybe the story is an exaggeration of the use of manipulation all together; however, manipulation is not a laughing matter and is often a part of abuse, but most of us engage in it on some level. Most of us aren't doing it to use people up, destroy them or take over the world, but we simply want something or want something done our way. Whether it is to impress a potential employer, get the attention of someone we admire or something more sinister and eventually causing big blow ups, most people use some form of manipulation. And, apparently, there is an art to it! I think we need to switch it up and start running truth, and use the power of influence in a positive way. That is the "do-gooder" deep, deep down inside of me. Ha!
We all "got game" so to speak, but it seems to me that the best game is being honest. Perhaps honestly and upfront behavior and speech work so well because people don't expect it. Ahhh haaahh! Funny, you can actually be honest and folk will swear you are running game and trying to manipulate. To that I say, "May the truth is just that fascinating". I know that running game on people is the way that most get what they want, but the truth is we need to use our powers for good and not evil. Personally, I will always draw people because its my nature. I'm an absolute pleasure to be around (smile), and for the most part, I dig people. My goal is to add to people's lives & to cut those off who choke life out of me. We all have that capacity--you know the power of influence. Let's leverage a positive power of influence for the good of others and ourselves. That way we don't have to be fancy, skilled manipulators.
Just saying.....
Very insightful! Keep writing Erie!
ReplyDeleteIf you were going to do an audit of your life to find out who and how you were manipulating, how would you do it?
ReplyDelete