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Double Entendre, Planting Insecurity or Are You Just Tripping?

"Are you going to wear that?"  "When are you going to start working out?"  "Do you think we should break up?"

On the surface these questions seem innocent enough. Better yet...they can be interpreted in a straightforward manner if the speaker really ONLY means what he or she says.  However, questions like these can also be "double entendres" and that is indeed a problem.  A double entendre is a statement that has an ambiguous meaning because the language lends itself to more than one interpretation. Let's break these questions down:  "Are you going to wear that?" could mean the questioner wants to get your outfit prepared for you, he or she thinks you would look good in that outfit, or he or she thinks the outfit is terrible and if you wear it there might be cringing and a proverbial shaking of the head.  

"When are you going to start working out?" This question is terrible because it could mean that the person wants to work out with you because he or she enjoys the company and motivation or it could mean that he or she wants you to lose weight because their is a perceived problem with how you look--at least on their end.  So...in others words...there may be an issue the other person has with you.  The same is true for the question:  "Do you think we should break up?"  The person asking may, in fact, want to break up but is too cowardly to actually do it so he or she needs you to spearhead the break up campaign.  It's kind of the opposite of the song that states "neither one of us wants to be the first to say good bye", and its more like "I don't know how to be the first to say good bye so I need to push you into doing it".  

A double entendre can plant insecurity and have one questioning what is meant by certain statements and questions.  It causes one to second guess everything.  Double entendres such as the ones above, for example, in a dating situation, may make a person think that the person he or she is dating is not truly content and does not really want to be in the relationship.  It can make an otherwise self-confident man feel less than and question his looks, significance, and worth.  It can make an otherwise self-confident woman question her body, attractiveness, and the sincerity of her man.  No doubt...it plants insecurity.  Now, if you are already insecure, then you will read into whatever someone says but if you have NO HISTORY of being this way or doing this then more then likely...the problem is not you.  

Why would someone want to pick you apart or plant insecurity?  I am glad you asked.  Usually this is done because the person doing so is using the other person to fulfill some need but is not really that interested in the other person...not for real, for real.  It seems to me, though, one should know without a doubt who he or she wants to pursue as to not waste the other person's time and not to take from the other person for one's own personal reasons.  Another reason a person may do these things is because the person is insecure himself or herself.  It is easier to be okay with your own self-hate and insecurities when you are busy trying to knock someone else down a peg.  

I know of relationships where one partner always had to say and do things to make the other one more emotionally dependent on him or her through manipulation--which included but was not limited to the use of double entendres. This was done so that the significant other loss a sense of how awesome he or she really was and looked more to the partner in control for assurance.  Needless to say that is abusive and unhealthy.  I also know of relationships where a man or woman "settled" for someone who was not their preference or ideal (because it is rare that you actually get that....c'mon son!) but instead of still being sure that he or she was really drawn to/attracted to the person they chose they made the relationship miserable by constantly trying to change the other person.  

Now, with all these comments and thoughts floating out here there may be some who employ "double entendres" (whether consciously or subconsciously) saying that the other person is just trippin'.  They think for some reason the other person is insecure and that it has nothing to do with him or her when the truth is that the significant other may have "become" insecure (the same way someone can "become" jealous if put into twisted situations where jealousy is fostered) because his or her partner speaks two things at once, behaves in a way that leaves room for a lot of questioning, or fosters insecurity in a variety or ways.  The bottom line is that double entendres plant mess and when the person receiving the weirdness gets tired and leaves for the sake of peace and mental health, his or her self-confidence usually returns to a good place....he or she realizes that it was not a matter of "you are just trippin" but something was being done to his or her psyche.  

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